How to Cheat and Rise to the Top of Your Career/Job
It’s nice to think that getting ahead is all about hard work and dedication, and that’s what we tell our kids. But we all live in the real world, and that means conniving, manipulating and outright cheating are all fair game in getting ahead at work.
Every office has people who brown-nose the boss, but he’s smart and he can see right through the B.S. In all honesty, and as sad as it sounds, it’s typically the cheaters that really get ahead in life. So you can either stand on the sidelines and watch someone else take credit for your work, or you can get in the game and perfect the art. That next raise may depend on how good you can become at sucking up and cheating.
Sure, we’ve all heard CEOs and bosses state that there are no office politics—easy for them to say as they relax in their big offices and enjoy their astronomical bonuses. And if you think they got to where they are without breaking a few rules along the way, you are sorely mistaken! It doesn’t matter what arena of business you find yourself in, there are cheaters everywhere. And if you’re tired of being overlooked, you should adopt the age old saying: “If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!”
Think if you go to the dark side you will be alone? Think again. Employee fraud is on the rise, soaring from $400 billion in lost revenue for U.S. businesses in 1996 to more $600 billion in 2003. Still on the fence? Well, one out of four Americans say it's acceptable to cheat on their taxes. Consumers cross state lines every day to purchase alcohol, cigarettes and even lottery tickets to avoid paying taxes.
So don’t think cheating in the workplace is any different. If you do it in your personal life, you can do it at work. How? Well, if you are involved in any group work, always take the credit regardless of where the ideas originate. Use phrases like “We thought” and “When I mentioned to the group” and always agree with the boss.
If you can, sit in the front at staff meetings, speak up even if what you have to say already has been said, offer to make presentations so you can perfect them at home or let others see them first, always tell – even exaggerate -- how much extra time you are putting in at home and weekends. Even if it’s not true, it’s OK to say it.
Other strategies you can use include collecting data and using the data to find fault, place blame, and make other employees take the fall. Identify problems that other employees are having but rather than assist them exploit them by taking the issue to your superiors. And of course, have a solution ready to go. This will take work, but you’re sure to be seen as a valuable asset to the company afterwards.
In addition, it’s a good idea to blindside co-workers by sending emails to the supervisor or bringing something up in a meeting. The more you can catch the co-workers off guard, the worse they will look.
Try to get them to show their incompetence in a public forum, which in turn could make you the rising star. They are more likely to do that if they are unprepared, so don’t tip your hand before the meeting or let them know ahead of time. Management will see their flaws, and when it comes time to make promotions, those flaws will be fresh in their minds.
Just remember, it’s no different than cheating on your taxes. And we all sleep just fine after April 15, don’t we?